Friends

For most of us, hardly a day goes by without contacting a friend or mate. Whether it’s to catch up, make plans, because it feels like our world is falling apart, or because we just need cheering up, we turn to our friends.

Granted, friendships can take a back seat when a man walks into our lives, but they’re there to help us pick up the pieces after the little sod has moved on, despite the fact we deserted them while we were loved up in our flat with ‘Mr Right’.

Many gay men share identities, coming out stories and common histories which can bind us together. These friendships can become the bedrock of an extended or chosen family, helping protect us against loneliness and isolation while giving us a space where we are loved, supported and valued.

For some of us, friends are not just people we go out with; they are the family we build, especially when family, school, work or the wider world has made being ourselves harder than it needed to be.

Underlying the magic which brings friends together is time, mutual give and take, and respect. These are needed if friendships are to remain happy and healthy. Being with the wrong people who don’t love you for who you are can damage your self-image and do more harm than we sometimes realise. Bottom line: surround yourself with good friends and dump the ones who put you down or use you as an emotional punch-bag.

Importantly, people come in and out of our lives for a stack of reasons: by chance, through friends, serendipity, and circumstance. It’s at this point that the seeds of friendship are often sown. Some flourish, some struggle, and some just don’t survive, however much we invest in them. But some endure over the passage of time, and it’s these friendships that deepen and grow stronger.